I didn’t finish one thing on my blog before I finished my project, and I don’t plan on forcing any of these things before I turn 16. I actually learned so much already. I know now that you can’t force things like this to happen. You can’t force growth as a person, and you sure as hell can’t do it for a school project, where you have to sensor everything you write. It’s hard to do something revolving around self-revelation, when I have to sensor my whole self. Not to mention you can’t put a time constraint on change, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. But that wasn’t even the issue. The real issue was, you can’t write a list of things to do and expect it to change you, that’s not how life works. You can’t say your going to change a freaking tire and expect that to make you a whole different person. And you cant expect to change as a person at all. It just happens. All the fun moments in life, all the moments worth living in and putting in the books, are spontaneous, at least to some extent. The fun in baking a cake isn’t the actual physical act of baking a cake, it’s the getting flour down your bra and up your nose and in your hair. It’s cracking the egg and shattering the shell, playing that cat and mouse game as you try to pick them out with a fork. It’s the war you have with your friend while frosting it. But it’s never actually the baking of the cake. I didn’t realize that until this project. I didn’t even have to do any of the tasks to realize it.
I realized it when my family went to Hood River, first. It wasn’t on any list. But we went, and it was blast. I did fun things without even thinking about it, but they were the kind of things you would put on a list… just not mine. I went to Top Golf, total bucket-list worthy experience, and I went through awkward situations all by myself. I drove on a freaking busy road and I didn’t even hit any thing. And no list told me to.
Plus, I’m in high school. High school is not the time for bucket lists, i can do that when I’m on my death bed. But right now, I don’t have time to go completing items on some stupid list or I’m going to miss out on what’s right in front of me. “Sorry you super hot senior, can’t go out with you tonight because I have to go home and change a tire instead.” Ya, no. That’s not how life works. You can’t force life’s best moments to come to you when there are already some staring you right in the face.
I like the idea of blogging, I always have. However, I feel like it takes a specific level of put-together-ness, like you have to really have your life together to be able to maintain a blog. Unfortunately for me, that’s not me by any means. I am a mess. But all high school students are. I plan on coming back to blogging with my new found knowledge of how to run them, how to get followers, etc., after I learn how to make my life a lot less messy.